Dating Responsibly

Confession: Occasionally (okay more than occasionally), I jump on dating apps and swipe until thumb cramps clue me in that enough is enough. The connections have been underwhelming, to say the least. I’ve had a few positive/promising conversations, a handful of dates (with the same guy – but no, it didn’t work out), and a lot of “uhh…absolutely not’s.” Y’all, online dating is intriguing.  

Amid these diverse conversational exchanges, there are a few things I’ve learned to keep in the forefront of my heart and mind. 

1. It’s possible to love my singleness and still desire to be in a relationship. There will be tension there. It’s okay to process it, talk about it, and even grieve it if needed. 
2. Settling has the potential to lead to bitterness and remorse. Do. Not. Settle. My legacy is too valuable, and my life is too short. 
3. No one is perfect. We all have issues. But I get to decide what issues I’m willing to bring into my life. 
4. I can love and live my life today, as it is, without being in a relationship. I don’t have to wait on a soul mate or a family to feel fulfilled.

This week, I deleted my dating app accounts. It wasn’t because I thought they were useless. I recognized that my heart needed some cleansing. I believe dating apps can be a convenient tool for establishing connections. But, I found myself carrying a weight of missing out – feeling that had to make time to communicate within the fixed window of time allocated by the app or that I had to keep swiping until I connected with “the one.” I was starting to believe something that wasn’t true – that I was somehow missing out. 

Deleting the apps was the first step in reminding myself that I am not missing out. I trust that there is no good thing that God is withholding from me. He is aware of all of my unmet desires, and His compassion is not lacking. He is for me, and His plans for me have always been and will always be good.

To the single woman who sometimes finds herself teetering between living your best life – while eating cereal for dinner because you can – and wondering if one day people with shared last names will fill the seats around your table, I want you to embrace the tension. It’s okay if you’re not sure what you want. You are not crazy if today you want nothing more than to lavish in your single life, and other days wonder if you are missing out on the beauty of marriage. 

…and if you are clear on what you want, but your wants have yet to be fulfilled, remind your heart that God does all things well. Nothing is lacking in His wisdom. His “yes” and “no” are in alignment with His sovereignty, and they can both be trusted. 

Whether you are single, engaged, married, widowed, separated, or divorced, I want you to take inventory of the emotions that have felt lately. How do you feel about where you are? After you’ve been honest about how you feel, be honest about what you believe – with yourself, with someone you can trust and, most importantly, with God. 

It’s possible that I’ll give dating apps a try again. But today, taking care of my heart means I give this method a break. You cannot date responsibly if you refuse to do the work to take care of you.

Take care of  your heart, take care of your relationships, take care of you.