As a little girl, I can remember thinking, there has to be more to life than this. Sitting in a church pew, listening to my pastor preach, my small finger following the words in my Bible, trying to keep up, I had no idea what more meant or what more would look like, but my heart desired that God would give it to me. If the God my pastor preached about was real, and the words I read were valid, there had to be more. God had to have a uniquely designed plan for my life, and I didn’t want to miss it.

I can’t pinpoint where the shift took place, but life began to take a turn.  I started to suppress the desire for more and instead settle for good enough.  I experienced failure, significant relationships vanished, and the idea of pursuing more felt like walking across a tightrope, blindfolded, with my hands tied behind my back; it felt impossible. Occasionally my head would turn, and my eyes would glance at the impossible, but my feet stayed cemented to the ground.  My heart wasn’t sure what to do with these longings that refused to go away. They were locked in a safe  place where no one would know they existed. I didn’t speak of them, I didn’t write them down and I tried, to the best of my ability, to erase them from my memory.  

But here’s the thing… God knew. No part of me is unknown to God. I’ve never had a longing that He was not aware of. No detail has been forgotten. My hopes, even the ones I buried for years, have no hiding place. 

And yours don’t either. 

He knows exactly what you want, even if you’ve worked overtime to convince yourself that you don’t want it anymore. He knows that deep down inside, you aren’t running from your desires, you’re running from disappointment. He knows your denial is a defense mechanism. He knows you are doing your best to protect yourself.  But consider this…what if the very desires you are hiding from God, are gifts that He has given you? What if your desires are meant to push you closer to Him? 

I get it. It’s easier to settle and sit in what is, rather than pray for what could be. It seems logical to grab hold of what’s in reach and put on a glass mask of contentment. But trust me, it’s fragile and revealing. We aren’t as good as we think we are at hiding our true feelings. Behind that cracked glass mask, it’s clear we are carrying discouragement and disappointment. But we won’t speak a word to God. We won’t talk to Him about our desires. 

We won’t tell Him we are disappointed.

Somewhere along the way, we taught ourselves to keep our emotions to ourselves, they are our own to handle. We began to believe that He isn’t concerned with the disappointment we carry and in our own strength, we should just gather ourselves and be grateful. At some point along the journey, we lost the dependence we had when we first said yes to Him. 

When I sat in that pew as a little girl, all I knew to do was to tell God that I wanted more. But through various circumstances, I discovered there were other options – that I could (and maybe even should) take my concerns elsewhere. 

But I’m bringing my desires back to Him.

That little girl was naive about a lot of things, but there were a few things she got right: 

1. She believed that God was who He said He was, and because of that, He could do great things in her life, things beyond her imagination. 
2. She believed that she belonged to a God who heard her and cared, so she talked to Him often. She spoke to Him about everything. 
3. When she was hurting, she knew God was present and her greatest comfort, and because of that, she never hesitated to find her comfort in His arms.  

Here’s what I realize, looking back on my perspective as a little girl – my outlook on life, my desires, and longings were a byproduct of my belief in God. As I sat in that pew, I learned about God’s character and what He was capable of  – I wanted to experience the God I read about. I wanted more of God. And I still do….

I believe that God is who said He is, and because of that, He can and will do great things in my life. I believe that the God of this universe hears me and cares, so I will talk to Him often. There is nothing off-limits. And when I am hurting, I know He is present and will be my greatest comfort and because of that, I won’t hesitate to find comfort in His arms. 

God can be trusted with your desires. Delight in Him and believe that if He has given you a desire, there is also a plan attached to it and it includes growing closer to Him. Talk to Him about it. He’s listening.