“I wanna see you
No distractions
I wanna know you’re here…
Right here, right now.”
“Here” isn’t a new song; it was released in 2017. It was new to me. Although I heard it for the first time, it took me back to my college days – I feel like I have AGED saying that…I can’t believe it’s been over ten years since I was in college.
I was on a spiritual growth spurt during my college years. I was away from home, distant from all things familiar. My dependence on God was undeniable. It felt tangible, like I could hold it in my hands – or at least attempt to – it was heavy. I distinctly remember, on multiple occasions, praying a short but powerful prayer, “God, make this real to me.” It was my version of “Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief.” I had made it a practice to take my doubts to God. I was confident that He would clarify my questioning; He wouldn’t leave me there – I was sure of it… that’s why I prayed that prayer. I genuinely longed to experience God’s love through His response to my prayer. I didn’t hope that He would respond; I was sure that He would, and I was sure He would do so with compassion, love, and care.
I don’t know when or why I stopped praying that prayer. Maybe I thought I had outgrown it and that it was time to lay aside my unbelief. Perhaps I convinced myself that God was disappointed in my asking. I was at a Christian college pursuing ministry, and I shouldn’t have struggled with unbelief. It was and still is this kind of thinking that causes me to stumble over my words in prayer. Whether praying in private or public, I still sometimes whisper internally to myself, “you can’t say that out loud; this shouldn’t be your struggle.” What will people think of you, what will God think of you, or maybe the question I should have considered – what would I think about myself? What was I already feeling about myself that I wasn’t willing to admit?
When I walked the campus of California Baptist University, I did not presume that I would be prepared to face each day head-on with my head held high – I didn’t try to convince myself that I had to have it all together. My weakness was acceptable and expected. I felt like I was walking in a foreign land, a place where I was permitted to be a learner, and I knew before stepping on that campus that I needed to look to God for direction consistently.
When I heard the lyrics to the song “Here,” I realized how valuable my vulnerability to God was in my college days. I missed it. When God responded to my prayers, my heart felt different. I knew He was there. I knew He was aware of my struggles. Although I felt alone, I knew He had not abandoned me. I could face the next day because I knew He was right there with me. I had no shame in asking God to reassure me that He was right there with me in all my struggles. When I prayed that prayer, I wasn’t asking Him to fix my situation or give me answers, I just wanted Him to make His presence known…and He always did.
A unique feeling came over me when God responded to my short, desperate prayer. If I could give words to what the response of my heart would have been in those moments, they would resemble the lyrics of Tasha’s song:
You are here
You are here
You are here
All of Your glory (You are here)
And I adore You
Lord, I love you
You are so amazing
Wonderful God
Oh, I sense you
God, I feel you
I love you
You surround me
And I focus on you
I got my eyes on you
You are here
God’s responses to my prayers are reminders to me of His character. When He responds, amid all that is going on in this world, I cannot deny He is a wonderful God. I cannot deny that He surrounds me. But what will He respond to if I don’t pray? If I cannot be vulnerable and uncover my weaknesses to my Father in heaven, how will I experience His glory?
I want to see Him, no distractions; I want to know He’s here. So, I’m returning to the simple yet powerful prayer, “Lord, make this real to me,” I believe He will respond because He is the same loving, caring, and compassionate God – and no matter what I go through, He will be there.
Prayer: God, make this real to me. Let me see you….in all of Your Glory. No distractions. I need to know You’re here.
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